Editor’s Notice: This story accommodates graphic particulars of sexual violence and bodily abuse.
Ashley Morgan Smithline is able to inform her fact.
In considered one of PEOPLE’s cowl tales this week, Smithline — considered one of 15 girls, together with actresses Evan Rachel Wood and Esmé Bianco, who’ve accused Marilyn Manson of sexual, psychological and bodily abuse — reveals the extent of the torture she says she survived by the hands of the steel rocker.
“I survived a monster,” the 36-year-old tells PEOPLE in her first interview since naming Manson as her abuser in February in an Instagram assertion.
Over the course of two years, Smithline says that together with being sexually assaulted by the rock star numerous instances, Manson, 52, bit her, whipped her, lower her with a swastika-emblazoned knife and shoved his fist in her mouth throughout intercourse. She says he additionally pressured her to do a blood pact and that she was locked into what he known as “the unhealthy ladies’ room,” a glass, soundproof room, at any time when she “pissed him off.”
After quite a few girls accused him of abuse, Manson responded in February that his “intimate relationships have always been entirely consensual with like-minded companions,” calling the ladies’s tales “horrible distortions of actuality.”
In response to Smithline’s allegations, a spokesperson for Manson — who’s currently being investigated for domestic violence by the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Division — says they “strongly deny her claims.”
“There are such a lot of falsehoods inside her claims that we would not know the place to start to reply them,” the assertion reads. “This relationship, to the restricted extent it was a relationship, did not final one week.” (Smithline supplied PEOPLE with emails and messages she says had been from Manson that span greater than two years.)
Smithline and Manson related in the course of the summer season of 2010 whereas she was modeling in Asia. Manson reached out to her about an appearing position in a movie. Excited in regards to the potential gig, she and Manson started chatting as Smithline began to really feel a deeper reference to the rocker.
It wasn’t his macabre make-up or ghoulish persona that drew her in, she says. As an alternative, “he lured me in with this countless intelligence.”
“He appeared sensible and I nonetheless suppose he’s,” she says. “We talked about Nabokov and Tolstoy and overseas movies and never in a pretentious ‘first yr of movie faculty’ approach. In a approach of actually appreciating artwork and literature.”
For extra on Ashley Morgan Smithline, the abuse she says she confronted by the hands of Marilyn Manson and why different survivors have determined to talk out, choose up the brand new concern of PEOPLE, on newsstands in all places Friday.
Based on Smithline, Manson began sending her dozens of textual content messages in any respect hours of the day and evening as issues began to get “slowly an increasing number of invasive.” Whereas she was overseas, Smithline — who’s of Jewish descent — says the rocker requested her to search out Nazi memorabilia like throwing stars, knives and whips to carry again to him in L.A..
“He type of made it like this is rather like a joke between us,” she says. “I believe at that time, I used to be already coerced sufficient that I felt he wouldn’t like me if I did not carry these issues. If I might recognized the weapons could be used on me, I believe it might have felt rather a lot stranger.”
Smithline first flew into Los Angeles to fulfill with the rocker in November 2010. He bought her a room on the Roosevelt Lodge, earlier than she moved into his West Hollywood house — a hollowed-out ballet studio that she described as a freezing “black fridge” — days later.
Courtesy Ashley Morgan Smithline Ashley Morgan Smithline and Marilyn Manson
The abuse began whereas filming. The primary time he damage her, she says he whipped her naked again as she lay face down and bare on his mattress. With the home windows blacked out, Manson would deceive her in regards to the time of day and drive her to proceed working into the early hours of the morning, she advised PEOPLE.
Then, she says, the bodily abuse grew to become sexual. The primary time she says he raped her, she wakened within the morning screaming, realizing her arms had been tied. Manson had been penetrating her whereas she slept. “He saved telling me, ‘You’ll be able to’t rape somebody that you simply’re in love with,'” she says.
With Smithline dwindling to lower than 80 lbs. throughout their relationship, Manson would lower her protruding ribs and as soon as carved his initials into her thigh. She nonetheless has the scar to at the present time. “I used to be brainwashed, and it makes me really feel disgusting,” she says about seeing the everlasting mark.
Jana Cruder Ashley Morgan Smithline
After which, she says, there was the blood pact. Weeks into their relationship, “He lower me on my abdomen after which drank my blood. Then, he had me drink his,” she says. “The extra I let him damage me, the extra I liked him and the extra I used to be proving myself to him.”
Over the course of two years, Smithline says she was despatched to the “unhealthy ladies’ room” — a glass field in his bed room that a few of the different girls who accused Manson of abuse say they had been put in as nicely — greater than 100 instances.
“If I needed to pee whereas he was replaying considered one of his songs I might heard 30,000 instances, I might should be locked within the field,” she says. “I used to be malnourished and chilly.”
Smithline would work as a mannequin in Asia for months at a time and return to L.A. to be with Manson over the course of two years. As soon as, her nostril was damaged throughout a rape wrestle shortly earlier than she needed to take a 17-hour flight to Japan for a modeling job. One other time, she says, he threw a knife from throughout the room, simply barely lacking her face.
RELATED VIDEO: Evan Rachel Wooden Alleges Ex Marilyn Manson ‘Horrifically Abused’ and ‘Manipulated’ Her
“At one level I requested him, ‘Would you like me to kill myself? Would you like me to only f—ing kill myself?’ ” she recollects. Manson, whom she says abused alcohol and cocaine and urged her to partake, scoffed and compelled her to observe suicide scenes from films, she says.
The primary time she tried to depart Manson was after he berated her for turning into drowsy at 3 a.m. throughout a video shoot a couple of yr after they first began seeing one another. However, like many victims of home violence, Smithline felt unable to depart her abuser.
“I wish to suppose that I by no means went again once more,” she says. “I needed to return on my phrases and be in management, but it surely would not ever work like that.” Even after she moved from his home, she continued to see Manson throughout his tour breaks till January 2013.
Smithline’s therapeutic course of did not absolutely start till September 2020 when she met up with Wooden, Bianco and a number of other of Manson’s different alleged victims.
“Being with the opposite ladies, these emotions of guilt and disgrace have lessened,” Smithline says.
At present, she continues to undergo from OCD, evening terrors and PTSD. She hopes that talking out will assist cease the “most terrifying monster on this planet.”
For Smithline one factor’s clear: “I am not a sufferer,” she says. “I am a f—ing survivor. I need folks to know who he’s, and it is price it if not another girl will get damage once more.”
If you’re experiencing home violence, name the Nationwide Home Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is on the market 24/7 in additional than 170 languages.
For those who or somebody you recognize has been a sufferer of sexual abuse, textual content “STRENGTH” to the Disaster Textual content Line at 741-741 to be related to an authorized disaster counselor.